Many men have lost their identity and are out of touch with their authentic selves. Many men are confused . They are spending their days doing what they think they “should” be doing based on stereotypes and other people’s opinions on what being a man is.To be a better man you need to understand yourself and get to know who you really are. You can do this by exploring your inner world. Once a man became aware at this he can embrace positive masculine traits to improve his life. There is no right and wrong way to be a better man, it’s about embracing who you are and bringing out the masculine characteristics that lie latent inside of you.
Men control their world in a hierarchical system.This system fosters the idea that there is one person at the top and in charge. The hierarchical system is based on a competition which is all about being better and improvement.Men rule this world with the masculine traits of competition, power, and control.Men and masculine traits are not evil by design but men have this at the root of their belief system.
Masculine Role Models
Your father and any other adult males you knew in your early years are your first role models. From them you developed a sense of how to behave and the way to “be”. It’s likely that your early role models were themselves struggling to understand their masculinity and the typical male behaviours you picked up are not necessarily correct or the best choice to be made.
Later in life male role models are often famous macho movie characters and sportsmen. From these role models men learn to act in typical masculine ways.
Here is a short typical list ;
- Watch sport
- Drink alcohol
- Fix things
- Build things
- Powerful emotion
- Be competitive
- Work hard
- Wear certain clothes
- Work hard irrespective of pleasure or return
- Behave in a certain way towards women
The problem is that many men don’t fit the typical stereo type of what a man is and they certainly don’t want to behave in all of the ways listed above.
When you behave like a typical male is “supposed” to behave. When you do the things that you do, based on someone else’s opinion of being a man, then you are not being true to yourself. Behaving differently to your core identity leads to insecurity in regard to your masculinity.When you behave this way it is your attempt to stop other males questioning your masculinity. What happens however is that unless you have a strong sense of self, then you yourself question your masculinity. You end up doing what you “should” instead of what you want and this is bad for your soul.
Men who behave in an exaggerated masculine way are often covering weakness and vulnerability.Remember this is an individual thing and it’s very difficult for you to look at someone else and make a judgement call on their behaviour without an understanding of the thoughts that led them there.
Many men feel alone and isolated from their peers. They have friendships that are more like acquaintances as a result of competition. This masculine trait used in a negative way, common with men, means that each man is continually competing against other men. This leads to the male population being alone. Not being able to rely on one another as they see each and every other male as a competitor for jobs, status and women.
Men are often unable to display vulnerability, admit mistakes and are pretending to be far more “manly” than they really feel. This has taught men to cover up certain traits that show vulnerability or do not fit stereotypical male traits from the fear that they will be labelled “a girl”. In this situation hiding your vulnerabilities from another may be the best course of action but you may have been made to feel as if there is something wrong with you because you have feelings and emotions. You see other men as being tougher and without this perceived handicap. You end up blocking the faculty of feeling and this is extremely dangerous to you as a human being. It leads to loss of direction in life, disconnection to your internal world and if not corrected, depression.
By following the male crowd and ignoring your true self you will lose your identity as a man. You need to look internally and embrace who you really are.You have both masculine and feminine traits within you and it’s important to balance the two.
Here are some positive masculine traits that will make you a better man,
- Progress, transformation and growth
- Concentration and focus
- Being a father
- Encouragement which is positive forward movement
- Material abundance
These are all great masculine qualities and to be a better man you need to search within and find these types of qualities and bring them out into the world in a practical way. Look at the list of positive masculine traits above. Don’t try to fit yourself to this list. Look at which positive masculine traits you have. Perhaps you can see all of these traits in you – perhaps only one? How can you express these traits and move away from the negative traits.
Here’s an example for the trait – action
- Can you create action in a team environment without creating competition within your team?
To find your authentic self you need to look internally and focus on your true desires irrespective of what they are and how they fit into your community’s accepted idea of what’s normal for a male.
You do this by examining and questioning your behaviour when it comes to typical masculine things. Have a look at something masculine that you do and explore and question why you do it? This will lead to you discovering what you really like and lead you to be your authentic self.
Here are the steps you need to do to look internally and get to know yourself. They need to be done constantly until they become habit;
1. You need to first raise your energy vibration.This is done by changing your negative inputs to positive. Associate with positive people, laugh, getting closer to the nature , music, exercise and meditation. One of the most powerful ways of getting a positive feeling flowing through you is being grateful. This is an attitude and on its own can completely change your life.
2. You need to learn and practice the ability to be present.
3. You need to learn and practice the ability to stand apart from your thought process and see what your thoughts actually are.
4. Once you have practiced and gained strength in the first two steps – you will be able to pinpoint the thoughts that occur as they lead to an emotion. An emotional situation is often complicated and filled with multiple lines of thinking and you need to tackle each one individually.
5. You need to dissolve your emotional blocks around each negative situation.
6. On an individual event basis once relief has been achieved, you can then create action and change. Change becomes easier because you have changed an underlying belief by exposing and facing a fear.
I can lead you through this process for some amazing results.